Life Can be Hard

I admit that it's hard to get what I want in life. Like right now.. everyone else is at school furthering themselves but I'm st...

I admit that it's hard to get what I want in life. Like right now.. everyone else is at school furthering themselves but I'm stuck at home for another four months before i can make a move towards my future. I think it's hard to stay motivated when I feel all alone with no one who can relate or I can actually talk to. Yes I get assistance from my mom and yes she works hard to support me but i honestly can't stand the way she treats me, accuses me and puts me down most times. Am I a bad daughter for thinking that she's a bit ungrateful for having a kid who does nothing wrong and finds their way back home safely every night? Sometimes I wish she had another daughter, one that came out like most of the girls at my school. Slutty and only thinks of herself. Then she can see how lucky she is to have me that won't dare be rude, always listen and treats others before myself. 

Life is hard. 
Is it meant to be this hard? 
I don't have much problems like some other people but I think they forget that I'm human too and sometimes I need consoling and I need help and I need reassurance and I need someone to tell me that it's fine. That everything will be alright and that it'll work out in the end. 
It's exhausting being mine and everyone else's counsellor and teacher. It's discouraging just being at home, sitting alone doing nothing and just waiting for the months to pass so that I can finally be something. 
Yes it's hard to live like this. Frequent mood swings and a cloud of depression sometimes conquers my mind and I'm forced to remember those dark days when I couldn't smile when I hated life and this world. 

It's hard. 
It's hard to live in my head sometimes as it constantly reminds me that I'm not good enough, not talented enough and not smart enough to make it to where I would like to be. 
So I have to go back to my CXC and look at those results to prove it wrong. 
To show myself that I made it through that time and this small depression is nothing compared to that war I faced years ago as a little girl who's now facing the world. 

I say this as if I've faced it all that I'm ready for the next trial in front of me
 but in all honesty 
I'm scared that I fail and bring shame to my hard working mom who tried to give me everything. 
Yes she's annoying and yes she accuses but she was the one that gave me the chance to be something. 

This life is hard, very hard. 
But of course it's supposed to be hard, 
if it were easy everyone would be lazy. 
I think hard is what makes this life great.

By: CutieStare

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